Coping With Gender Dysphoria

Gender dysphoria - different things work for different people

Gender dysphoria or gender incongruence can be the experience of distress or discomfort with your body's sex characteristics or the gender role assigned to you. It's something that everyone experiences differently and can change over time. There's no one way to deal with dysphoria and different things work for different people.

Ideas that can help you cope with gender dysphoria

Here are some ideas that could help trans, nonbinary and gender diverse people cope with dysphoria. Some are specific to gender dysphoria and some are more general coping strategies that may help.

Try some out and make a list of ones that work for you. Remember, what works at one time may not be the same at another time, so trying out different strategies at different times can be useful too.

Express your feelings

Express your feelings - share your feelings in a notebook or blog, or express how you feel through an art, craft or music project.

Talk to someone and listen to others

Talk to someone who understands - talk to a supportive friend or find an online trans community you feel connection with.

If you have a counsellor or therapist you feel safe talking with about your gender dysphoria, make time to bring this up with them.

Listen to someone who has similar feelings to you - talk to friends who also experience dysphoria, or watch a Vlogger who you relate to.

You can also call OutLine.

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OutLine

You can call OutLine on 0800 OUTLINE (0800 688 5463) between 6pm and 9pm to talk to a trained volunteer from the LGBTIQ+ community.

OutLine Aotearoa is an all-ages Rainbow mental health organisation that provides support throughout Aotearoa to Takatāpui, MVPFAFF+ and Rainbow communities, their friends, whānau, and those questioning.

Visit the OutLine website

Use items that help you express your gender

Find or use items that aid in expressing your gender and makes you feel more confident in yourself - binders, packers, STPs (stand-to-pee devices), breast forms, panty girdles, padded underwear, makeup, clothes, shoes, accessories, hair removal items, hair styling products.

Affirm your gender

Affirm your gender - do small or big things that affirm your gender; whether it's wearing a small accessory that is affirmative for you, re-styling your hair, or emailing your teachers to tell them your preferred name and pronouns.

Take steps towards your transition goals

Make plans, research, or take small steps towards your long-term social, medical and or legal transition goals.

Try everyday things that reduce your dysphoria

Find ways to do everyday things that reduce your dysphoria - steam up or cover the bathroom mirrors, use a big sponge or loofah for bathing, cuddle a pillow to cover your chest when you sleep, or master makeup contouring.

Remember to be easy on yourself and on your personal image

Tell yourself, out loud, that your body does not define your gender.

Take a moment to point out a few positive things you love about your body more generally - things you are great at, or things you like about yourself.

Remember to be easy on yourself and on your personal image. Remind yourself of the diversity of all people's bodies and gender presentations to give yourself a reality check.

Explore what feels right for you

Take time to explore what feels right for you when it comes to your identity and expressing yourself and your gender. Forget beauty standards and gender stereotypes: what expressions and identities feel right for YOU.

Exercise to improve your mood

Exercise - a healthy amount of exercise can improve your mood. Do what you like - dance your heart out in your bedroom, do some yoga, ride a bike, go to circus classes, use the local park gym equipment, or look up exercises that will shape your body in ways that could reduce your dysphoria.

Remember to be proud of yourself

Remember that your trials and struggles in life can make you stronger. You've made it to this point. You
should be proud of yourself.

Stimulate your senses

Use all your senses

Smell something (perfume, a flower), taste something (something strong flavoured or something you really like), listen to something (nature sounds or music), touch something (fabric, a furry pet, a teddy bear), stimulate your vision (by looking at a colour you like or pics of baby animals).

Try self-soothing activities

Self-soothing is a quick and effective way to reduce the intensity of emotions and anxiety.

Here are some ideas for self-soothing activities.

Avoid those who bring you down

Avoid spaces or people that will bring you down.

'Escape'

Escape - to your favourite playlist, game, or show, or a long luxurious bath or shower.

Pamper yourself

Dress in your favourite gender-affirming clothes, or wear comfy clothes to help you relax and feel better; wear your favorite makeup; eat your favourite comfort food; get a haircut; moisturise your body.

Connect with nature

Go for a walk outside, do some gardening, watch the birds, trees or stars, care for an animal, wade in a river or ocean, bask in the sunshine.

Take time out or stay busy

Do whichever works best for you at the time - take time out or stay busy. Slow down and relax, or stay occupied and distracted.

Go to bed early!

Make sure you prepare to sleep by turning off devices, doing something relaxing, making the room quiet, clean and peaceful, and rest well.

Eat the rainbow!

Getting a balanced, nutritious diet with lots of fruit and vegetables will help your mind and body feel its best.

Make time for pleasure

Make sure you are doing things that make you feel good every day. Schedule it in if you have to!

Switch off from social media

Switch off from social media and devices if they are bringing you down.

Practice breathing, meditation etc

Practice breathing, meditation or other relaxation or mindfulness techniques.

Check out inspirational trans and nonbinary people

Gender Diversity - Inspirational Trans & Nonbinary People

Get support when you need it

If you are feeling really down or thinking about suicide it's important to get as much support as possible, including professional support.

You can contact any of the following.

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1737 - Need to talk?

1737 is a free service for New Zealanders feeling down, anxious, a bit overwhelmed or just need to chat to someone. You can call or text 1737 for free, they are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

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OutLine

Call OutLine on 0800 688 5463 between 6pm and 9pm to talk to a trained volunteer from the LGBTIQ+ community. Via the OutLine website you can self-refer for support for the (free) OutLine Transgender Peer Support Service. 

Visit the OutLine website

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Rainbow Youth

Contact Rainbow Youth's one-to-one peer support in some regions.

Rainbow Youth provides a one-to-one transgender peer support service but this is only available in Auckland, Bay of Plenty, Wellington and Taranaki.

Visit the Rainbow Youth website

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Suicide crisis helpline | Lifeline

You can call the suicide crisis helpline on 0508 828 865. It is a free, nationwide service available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and is operated by highly trained and experienced telephone counsellors who have undergone advanced suicide prevention training.

Call 0508 828 865
See the Lifeline website

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Youthline

Call Youthline on 0800 376 633. Youthline offers a free Helpline service (text, phone, webchat & email) and free face-to-face counselling services. They are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can text them for free on 234.

Visit the Youthline website

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Lifeline

Lifeline has 2 free community helplines, 0800 LIFELINE (0800 543 354) and Suicide Crisis Helpline 0508 TAUTOKO (0508 828 865). They also have a text support service, you can text them on 4357. They're support is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Visit the Lifeline website