Self-Harm

Key points about self-harm

• self-harm includes a set of behaviours such as cutting, burning, hair pulling, punching and overdosing
• self-harm is becoming more common amongst rangatahi (young people)
• there are many reasons why people engage in self-harm - most commonly, it is a response to being emotionally overwhelmed 
• if your young person tells you, or if you find out they have harmed themself, the most important thing to do is not to panic
• speak with them, try and understand what has been going on in their life and what thoughts they were having
• ask your child if they would be open to learning other, safer ways to manage their feelings, including getting support from a health professional

What is self-harm?

Self-harm is becoming more common amongst rangatahi in Aotearoa New Zealand, and other countries in the Western world. In recent years, around a quarter of rangatahi in Aotearoa New Zealand, have been found to engage in these behaviours. 

Self-harm can take many forms, including: 

• cutting
• burning
• hair pulling
• punching
• overdosing 

Sometimes, behaviours such as dangerous drinking, dangerous driving and sexual risk-taking can also be forms of self-harm.

How common is self-harm?

The Youth 2000 study is a random sample of all high school students in New Zealand. It gathers information from young people about many topics that affect their lives through an electronic survey. 

Youth 2000 gathered information in 2001, 2007 and in 2012. One of the questions asked was about self-harm. These were the percentage of young people who said that they had harmed themselves in the last two surveys:

	2007	2012
Male	15%	17.9%
Female	26%	29.1%

The results show that girls self-harm more than boys and there have been increasing numbers of boys and girls self-harming in New Zealand high schools between 2007 and 2012.

Why do people self-harm?

There are many reasons why people engage in self-harm. Most commonly, it is a response to being emotionally overwhelmed when stressful things occur.

Rangatahi may use self-harm as a coping strategy to manage overwhelming feelings that happen with life experiences.  It is usually a coping strategy rather than a permanent way of solving a problem. But, self-harm should always be taken seriously as 30% of people who deliberately self-harm can die from this. 

Other reasons why people self-harm, include:

• to cope with stress and anxiety
• as a physical expression of emotional pain
• to feel something when they feel numb (may be part of depression)
• to express hate against themself
• because of guilt and self-punishment
• because it has become a habit
• to distract from intrusive thoughts
• to try and make other people listen to them
• to copy a friend
• to feel good
• as part of an illness like borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, or depression

How can I help if my child is self-harming?

Don't panic

The most important thing to remember is DON'T PANIC.

If you keep calm and are reassuring, then your young person will have much more confidence to tell you more. It is very important to encourage talking as it is a much better way to help the intensity of emotions than to self-harm.

Listen

The next most important thing to do is to LISTEN. If your young person tells you, or if you find out that they have self-harmed, talk to them about it. Try and understand what has been going on in their life. Ask them what thoughts were going through their mind at the time they engaged in self-harm and thank them for their openness. Listen carefully for the answer and then ask them how they would like you to help.

Acknowledge the emotions they are feeling - never belittle them or tell them not to be stupid as these will make them feel worse and more likely to continue harming themselves.

Talk to them about what might be helpful

Ask your child if they would be open to learning other, safer ways to manage their feelings. Ask if they are open to having additional support from a health professional. Then, help them access this support. If they do not wish to speak with anyone else, you could suggest some further talking together. You could encourage them to try some online interventions or apps to learn better ways to manage their feelings. 

As a parent or caregiver, you can always talk to a health professional such as a GP, counsellor or mental health therapist, yourself to learn more about how to support your young person.

Spend time with them 

After learning about self-harm and working out how best to help them, make a plan to spend more time with your young person. This will continue to feel supported by you and know that you remain interested in their life.  Simple things like having a coffee date, going for a walk, going to the movies or watching TV together are very helpful, especially if done regularly. You can agree on how often you check in with them so they don’t feel you are ignoring them or being overbearing. 

Where can I go for help if my child is self-harming?

It may be helpful to talk to your GP, a school counsellor or a mental health professional in your area. There is also lots of great information online - see the links at the bottom of the page. 

IF YOUR YOUNG PERSON TELLS YOU THEY WANT TO DIE, TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.

Even if you feel scared or frustrated by their behaviour, try to take deep breaths, remain calm, and work with other available adults to offer your child the support they need.

Seek medical help if you are worried

Seek medical help if you are worried about your young person's injuries or if they have taken an overdose. Depending on your level of concern, either:

• contact your GP clinic or
• call your local mental health crisis assessment team or 
• go to the emergency department (ED) of your nearest hospital or
• dial 111 within New Zealand (use the appropriate emergency number in other countries)

If you can't get in to see a health professional at your GP clinic, free call or text 1737 (in New Zealand) at any time for support from a trained counsellor.

Helplines for your child or teen

See the Mental Health Foundation website for a listing of helplines you, your child or teen can call

An app to help young people learn more healthy coping skills

Whitu: Seven Ways in Seven Days

Whitu: Seven Ways in Seven Days is an app designed to help young people learn to recognise and manage their feelings in healthy ways. It was developed by New Zealand researchers and rangatahi, including rangatahi Māori. 

The 7-day plan has been clinically shown to improve wellbeing and reduce anxiety, depression and other mental health symptoms. It is FREE to download from the App Store and Google Play.

See more KidsHealth content on emotional and mental wellbeing

See the KidsHealth's section on emotional and mental wellbeing