Preparing for the conversation will help you stay relevant, calm, and unshockable.
Be guided by your teenager’s age, knowledge and experience.
Talk to other whānau members about who’s best to start the conversation.
Take a curious, kind and non-judgmental approach, listen with empathy, and avoid words like ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ that can create shame and shut down conversations.
Try somewhere your teen is comfortable with, like driving or walking the dog.
Discuss the messages in porn around things like gender, violence and sexism. Reflect on how these align with your teenager's own personal, cultural or faith views to help build critical thinking.
Some teenagers struggle with porn-related issues, so let your teen know you’re here to help if they, or any of their friends, are struggling.
See the KidsHealth page on talking to and supporting your child or pre-teen around porn [1]
See the KidsHealth page with advice on how to talk to your child about sex [2]
Here are some resources to help parents and whānau with starting conversations, building critical thinking and supporting teenagers around porn.
The Light Project aims to help youth, their whānau, schools and wider communities to positively navigate porn and online sexual content and has a range of information, resources, tools and support pathways for parents.
Keep It Real Online is a New Zealand Government campaign to support parents and caregivers to keep their children safe online.
The Classification Office Te Mana Whakaatu is responsible for the classification of all films, videos, publications, and some video games in New Zealand. Their site has some useful research and information for parents about controlling content and pornography.
In the Know is a NZ site for young people wanting information or help with porn related concerns. It includes tools, tips, videos, information and referral services offering support with key porn-related issues. It covers a range of issues, including nudes, feeling uncomfortable with porn, pressure to watch porn, wanting to cut down on porn and creating online sexual content.
NetSafe is an independent non-profit organisation that provides cybersafety and online security education for all New Zealanders. NetSafe's website has a variety of information on online safety and security issues. The website has information for children, parents, community groups, schools and counsellors.
JUST THE FACTS [22] is a website run by the Sexually Transmitted Infections Education Foundation (STIEF). It is a project funded by the Ministry of Health through district health boards to educate New Zealanders about sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
The content on this page has been developed and approved by the Clinical Network for Child Protection, Paediatric Society New Zealand with input and guidance from Nikki Denholm, Director, The Light Project.
This page last reviewed 27 May 2023.
Email us [24] your feedback
Links
[1] https://kidshealth.org.nz/how-talk-support-your-child-or-pre-teen-around-pornography?language=ton
[2] https://kidshealth.org.nz/how-talk-your-child-about-sex?language=ton
[3] https://thelightproject.co.nz/
[4] https://thelightproject.co.nz/whanau/
[5] https://thelightproject.co.nz/whanau/talking-with-children/
[6] https://thelightproject.co.nz/whanau/talking-with-teens/
[7] https://thelightproject.co.nz/resources/parent-resources/
[8] https://thelightproject.co.nz/need-help/we-need-help/
[9] https://www.keepitrealonline.govt.nz/
[10] https://www.keepitrealonline.govt.nz/parents/pornography/
[11] https://www.keepitrealonline.govt.nz/parents/keeping-your-family-safe-online/
[12] https://www.keepitrealonline.govt.nz/parents/controls-and-settings/
[13] https://www.classificationoffice.govt.nz/
[14] https://www.classificationoffice.govt.nz/resources/items/how-to-talk-with-young-people-about-pornography/
[15] https://www.classificationoffice.govt.nz/resources/research/breaking-down-porn/
[16] https://www.classificationoffice.govt.nz/resources/research/growing-up-with-porn/
[17] https://www.classificationoffice.govt.nz/resources/items/parental-controls/
[18] https://www.intheknow.co.nz/talking-to-whanau/
[19] https://www.intheknow.co.nz/worried-about-someone-else/
[20] https://netsafe.org.nz/porn-advice-parents/
[21] https://netsafe.org.nz/make-a-plan/
[22] https://www.justthefacts.co.nz/
[23] https://kidshealth.org.nz/tags/internet-media?language=ton
[24] https://kidshealth.org.nz/contact?from=http%3A%2F%2Fkidshealth.org.nz%2Fprint%2F2793%3Flanguage%3Dton