Seeing is believing – be the kind of person you want your teenager to grow up to be.
Kids, in general, tend to grow up to be a lot like their parents. They know who you are and what you do. The way you act plays a major role in the way they will behave. Kids who live in homes where parents smoke are more likely to become smokers.
The way you act plays a major role in the way they will behave.
Parents who do drugs or abuse alcohol are more likely to find their kids do the same. Just as our kids can learn and copy our bad behaviours, they can also learn good ones – when we make the effort to show them.
Teach your teenagers how to:
Help them to say 'no'. Remember a stubborn child is one that knows their own mind and values. As that stubborn child grows into a teenager, and eventually an adult, that stubborn streak will help them to say 'no' and to be their own person.
Be an imperfect parent. No one is perfect. Admit your mistakes and don't be afraid to say, "I am sorry." Share stories about when you were a teenager. Be real.
Be aware of how you speak about, and behave around, alcohol. If your kids see you stagger in the door each night moaning, "I need a drink!" or reaching for the booze and shouting "This calls for a drink!" every time there is something to celebrate, they are receiving strong messages about the role of alcohol.
If your kids know you've had a few drinks – and then drive – you are modelling that it is OK to drink and drive. And if you think you can sneak a cigarette when they aren't looking, you are wrong – they smell it.
"Mum hides her booze in the boot of the car. She doesn't think we know its there. There's never any food in the fridge, but always she has her booze stashed away. She doesn't really care about us kids……"
When you react to people and situations by using harsh words or violence, your kids get the idea that it is OK to disrespect people. And in turn – it will be you who they show the same to.
"My dad told me I couldn't go to my mate's place but when I asked him why he just swore at me and told me to f*** off. I told him to do the same – and then he hit me. I don't ask him no more."
Let them see you model sensible drinking behaviour such as:
You may find that some of these are not always easy. If we expect our young people not to drink at all, or to drink sensibly when they are older, we need to show them how to do it.
The Paediatric Society of New Zealand and Starship Foundation are very grateful to Northland District Health Board (NDHB) for permission to reproduce this content from the Whānau pack: Tools for families and parents with teenagers [2].
Copyright
NDHB own the copyright in this material and it must not be copied or reproduced except as expressly permitted by NDHB.
This page last reviewed 12 March 2024.
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Links
[1] https://kidshealth.org.nz/tags/parenting-teens
[2] https://www.northlanddhb.org.nz/your-health/health-resources/whanau-pack/
[3] https://kidshealth.org.nz/contact?from=http%3A%2F%2Fkidshealth.org.nz%2Fprint%2F1841%3Flanguage%3Dmi